i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
