i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
