Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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