We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
