Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
