508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
