I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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