here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
