spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
