I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
