just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
