And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
