Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize