Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
