it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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