My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
