I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
