Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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