Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
honey bunches of taint.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Randomize
