apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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