My sheets look like a crime scene.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
