but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
