i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
