I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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