great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
