let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
