I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize