i think my tv is drunk
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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