Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
