I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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