I hope mine doesn't look like that
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
