Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
