Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
