You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
