It's Friday. Sex?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
