Pants 0. Shit 1.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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