I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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