I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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