he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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