You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
