I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
