one two three fourrrrnication!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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