So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
