I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
