She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize