Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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