wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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