I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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