Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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