I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
