you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
