Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
