Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
