If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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