I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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