I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
