I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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