You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I had to cum in my sink.
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