He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
