it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
