Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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