Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
