why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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