My Higher Power is John Stamos
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
