Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
