it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
