Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
