im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
