ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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