My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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