uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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