He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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