You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
