i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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