party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize