Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
