Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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