We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
