i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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