So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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