I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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