I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
