That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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