I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
