If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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