It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
