First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
