I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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