Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
